Amanda Roe is a Trauma therapist & Mind coach.
Call 087 6331898
Are you selfish? No I’m not! The question I ask you is ‘why not?’ Selfish is a word that can conjure up memories of others taking, controlling, being self-centred and not caring about your needs or the feelings of others. It can give you a repulsive feeling and be the internal voice that firmly states ‘NO that’s not me!’
However without putting your own needs first it is impossible to recharge your batteries and have the energy for others in your life.
That might be at work when you are feeling run off your feet and unable to say ‘how can I do that?’ when another unreasonable request is dropped on your desk.
It might be in the home when you are managing the household and the day is taken up with meal preparation, cleaning, and the guilt of what you haven’t done yet.
It could be outside the home when you are volunteering, caring for parents, neighbours, or friends.
As humans focusing towards our own goals or towards the needs of others, there are two opposing motivational drivers and it is natural to find one easier than the other.
Someone who is already self motivated will not have a problem with the word selfish, as they value the importance of their own personal goals. But if your motivation in life is to help others and to do things with or for others, then putting your own needs first can be difficult to do, and it will make no sense at all that others do not feel the same way.
Not prioritising your own self care can lead to gradual depletions; perhaps difficulty sleeping, low mood, emotional upset, weight issues, period problems, aches and pains, chronic fatigue and eventual burnout.
So when you are feeling tired, overwhelmed or rushed off your feet what is your self care routine? Is there someone in your life who will remind you to slow down? Is there someone who will put dinner on the table and send you off to bed? If you are concerned about your mood or emotions, who do you talk to?
Doing more for others than yourself can lead to chronic levels of stress and affect your mind, body and emotions. Learning to manage stress and prioritise self-care are key to feeling good and staying well.
When others are unwell it can be very clear what they need, but when you are feeling rundown, the temptation is often to down play your symptoms and keep going.
So ask yourself ‘what happens if you are unable to cope?’ How does that affect you, your family, your work or others you care for?
If it is important for you to be well and stay well then make a list of things that make you happy and recharge your batteries.
It might be a hot bath and going to bed early, exercising, eating well, meeting up with friends and family, playing a musical instrument, having a haircut, a manicure or taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Put this list somewhere visible or even on a colourful post-it note so you can remind yourself to care for yourself each and every day.
Amanda Roe is an acupuncturist, clinical hypnotherapist and life coach providing natural solutions for your mental, emotional and physical health. For more information call/text 087 633 1898 or email firstname.lastname@example.org