“You can’t make it perfect. Life has a habit of popping up to remind you of impermanence. Be graceful in letting go, in releasing that perfect dream. Let yourself come gently down to reality, to how it really is and to the constant change that happens whatever we do…”
The phrase “the path is obstacles”, or variations of it, is a familiar one in Buddhist psychology, reflecting the nature of life. There is no doubt that life is full of ups and downs and very often we have much less control over what happens next than we might think we do. Mindfulness skills can help us to manage uncertain situations, because no matter how much we plan or attempt to steer or schedule our lives, unexpected news can arrive out of the blue and cause a lot of upset and uncertainty. And sometimes there is no amount of ‘fixing’ because some things just cannot be fixed. The situation will unfold as it will, and we can either resist it or learn to accept it as it is.
Last month I wrote about feeling well resourced. The key learning for me is that we need to continue resourcing ourselves daily because there simply ‘will’ be obstacles along the way. In my weekly drop-in class, which lasts one hour, I usually guide two meditations, after which we take some time to reflect. We have such meaningful discussions about life’s joys, challenges, our vulnerabilities and commonalities, our imperfections as human beings. We reflect on all things human, the delights, mistakes, regrets, the fun, hurts, joys, thoughts, challenges. This hour can anchor and resource us and help keep us steady when met with obstacles on our way through life.
And while we may need to accept the obstacles that appear before us, we have the option to choose behaviours that boost our happiness and wellbeing. There is work known as the ‘Happiness Advantage’ based on research by Shaun Achor that I came across years ago and have never forgotten. In summary, it suggests, in no particular order, five daily habits that we can practice for cultivating a happier outlook on life. If you are facing some difficulties or finding it hard to accept summers end, adopting these habits might be a nice way to adjust to the changing season. They don’t take long to integrate into daily life.
The first daily habit suggested is meditation. Try not to be daunted, it is possible to start with one minute and build up your practice over time. Secondly, if you haven’t already, can you build the habit of exercise into your everyday life. I use an online mindful movement/dance website which has a daily work-out of about 30 minutes. Next, write down three things that you are grateful for every day and journal about one positive experience that you have had in the last 24 hours. Lastly, the suggestion is to carry out a random act of kindness every day – this could be a kind thought, word or deed, noticing how it feels to do something kind for someone else.
So, when some things are beyond our control or influence, it can help to focus on aspects in our lives that we have some choice and influence over, which strengthen and resource us. As well as accepting that the path is obstacles, we can also let the path be happiness. I opened with the first half and will end with the second half of this beautiful poem called ‘Perfect’ by Rachel Holstead that seems to fit with the impermanence of life and the changing season. “…Set your feet on the ground again and let yourself flow with the earth’s turning. There is no perfection but this dance with all its colours, nothing to do but the living and letting go of every moment”.
In September I will be facilitating a free mindfulness-based programme for family carers at CECAS, Myross Wood, Leap. This is a down-to-earth and nourishing programme where we spend time, in a gentle and supported way, connecting with ourselves, others and with nature. Once completed, people then have the opportunity, if they wish, to join a monthly mindfulness/peer support gathering for family carers, which has been running for over a year now and is growing from strength to strength. This year’s Reconnect and Re-engage family carers programme runs on three consecutive weeks from 10.30am – 1.30pm and includes a light lunch. The dates are Wednesday, September 25 and October 2, 9. It is free of charge thanks to the support of Cork ETB and the 2024 REACH fund.
Drop-in mindfulness sessions at CECAS, Myross Wood, Leap on Tuesday mornings through-out September (3, 10, 17, 24) from 10 – 11am. €12. All are welcome to join this wonderful community of practice. Anyone inspired to give mindfulness meditation a go please get in touch or just come along; it is so supportive to meditate together in a group and in this beautiful space. Beginners and newcomers are always welcome.
For more information, phone: 087 2700572 or email:
susanoreganmindfulness@gmail.com
FB:susanoreganmindfulness
www.mindhaven.ie
