The Wild Atlantic Way has been a great success. Every year thousands take to our lovely roads and boreens. But a word of caution for those heading out this summer. West Cork roads are sneaky. West Cork roads will bring you back exactly where you started from. A road can wind along a full 360 degrees without you noticing. I once drove off from Timoleague in an attempt to navigate the ultimate back road home. After driving for 15 minutes, I found myself back in front of Charlie Madden’s pub where I’d been parked.
I know that these days we all have GPS, phones and apps. The problem is that they can’t really deal with the dense network of roads in West Cork. (I’ve found this to be true all over rural Ireland.) I’ve ended up in a farmyard more than once – despite having the Eircode. “You have arrived at your destination.” No, I have not!
Thankfully you can always ask for directions the old-fashioned way. The funny thing about asking for directions is that people in West Cork love to oblige, but they’ll always first answer with a shake of the head that indicates that they haven’t a clue where you want to go. After a few shakes, your guide will scratch the back of his neck with a look of intense concentration. Then he’ll bend down into the window and whisper in a conspiratorial tone: “Well now – If I were you, I wouldn’t start from here.” A conundrum, such as determining how many angels can dance on a pin head, is as easy as counting how many cows there are in a field compared to a statement like: “If I were you, I wouldn’t start from here.” I’m sure that many of us would like not to be where we are when we set off to go somewhere else – but we’d never envisioned the possibility of it being otherwise. What it means is that you are, indeed, very lost. You are so lost, in fact, that you need directions to get to a place where you can start to go to wherever it was that you wanted to go to in the first place.
The actual giving of directions can become a saga of biblical proportions. This is mainly because it is important for people to tell you which way you shouldn’t go and there are a lot more ways ‘not to’ go somewhere than there are ways to get there. People giving directions in West Cork take great pains to tell you in detail all the roads you shouldn’t take. They carefully describe landmarks you must totally ignore. “You’ll come up to a road that goes over a bridge and turns to the right before passing the church. Take no notice!”
The actual directions result in copious notes. The journey described is worthy of Ulysses with details including interesting geological features, well-placed pubs, and treacherous bends in the road. I have often found myself driving slowly up a boreen trying to follow: ‘Take left at the rusty gate (red cloth). Carry on about a mile – Turn left at daffodils.’
I remember once going to visit someone down past Skibbereen. The directions included looking out for a milk churn. They led me away from the main road down a tiny boreen that wound itself towards the sea. I read; “Turn left at the Ginger Cat.” I had written down the directions without a second thought, imagining that the Ginger Cat was a pub. The road climbed through a bleak landscape offset by the slate sea and lead sky. Up ahead I could see a tiny blue and white cottage that stuck out like a Christmas cake in the grey scenery. That must be it, I thought, scanning the building for a Murphy’s sign. Then as I came alongside the cottage, I saw a huge ginger cat sitting on the wall. Sure enough, right after the cat was a muddy driveway to the left. I swear that cat winked as I drove by.
Then again, I have always suggested to visitors that the best way to explore West Cork is to get lost. That’s how you have an adventure and come home with stories to tell. So, turn off that GPS. Slow down and enjoy the landscape. Follow the WWW signposts. They are sure to get you lost. And remember – you can always just ask for directions.
