“Man up”; “You’re the man of the house now”; “Big boys don’t cry”; “Be a good little man”; “Don’t be a wimp”: These are some of the more print-friendly phrases a male may come up against in the home, school and workplace throughout their lifetime. These are also only a handful of examples of things that are said to influence the state of being a man, which is perpetuated in our society’s media and culture. In the very same breath a male can hear that “chivalry is dead” and “everyone should be treated equally”. To hold the door open or not, that is the question! A deeply troubling question at that, as males are subject to conflicting information that can silence them and negatively influence their sense of self.
The conversation is currently quite loud about gender-based domestic violence, sexual assault and women’s rights, to name a few things that deserve the spotlight, and rightly so. Yet, a male today will often read or hear that “it’s not all men but it’s always a man”. Pair that sentiment with many conflicting messages about not speaking or expressing emotions; a male today exists in a confusing reality. So perhaps not that surprising that of the 436 people who died by suicide in 2022 in Ireland, 346 were male (79pc). The unspoken message received by many men is to tread carefully in silence and to not show emotion, which leads to challenges such as substance abuse or the avoidable tragedy of suicide. Research shows that men’s health has improved over time but men still have a lower life expectancy than women and higher mortality rates for the leading causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and suicide.
According to Mental Health Ireland’s research, 18.5 per cent of the population of Ireland has a “mental health illness”, including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or alcohol/drug abuse. The results of the Central Statistics Office (CSO) ‘Social impact of Covid-19 Survey’ showed that following the Covid-19 pandemic, up to 51 per cent of Irish men said their mental health was negatively affected by restrictions and lockdowns. It also highlighted that women are more likely than men to reach out for support if needed. Of course, there are spaces where a man can go without stigma such as a Men’s Shed. Yet, that perpetuates the issue at hand in many ways by implying men can open up if they do so while being productive in a stereotypical way and in a space hidden from others. This is not to say that Men’s Sheds are not an excellent resource and badly needed, which they are. Rather, it is to challenge the unspoken dialogue around men’s mental health in Ireland and how it is not supported as it should be. Men and boys experiencing loneliness, isolation and a lack of support or guidance in experiencing and expressing feelings is still a problem at large across the globe. The stereotyping I refer to is also often based on Caucasian heterosexual people who are born male; this does not touch upon the extra harm that can be caused to a male by other unhealthy and stigmatising discourses in society around gender, sexuality and race.
The HSE’s ‘National Men’s Health Action Plan 2024-2028’ succinctly states the benefits of supporting men and promoting men’s mental health in the societal conversation. It states that “By developing a relational approach to gender, this allows us to develop thinking and action, which is mutually beneficial in terms of women’s and men’s health and wellbeing. By recognising the reciprocal nature of women’s and men’s health, it becomes clear that policy measures designed to improve men’s health can impact not just on men’s lives, but can have a positive influence on the lives of women and children, and on society as a whole”.
A significant amount of positive work has taken place to support the health needs of men and boys. Ireland was the first country in the world to have a ‘National Men’s Health Policy’ followed by the aforementioned ‘National Men’s Health Action Plan 2024-2028’. Other programmes such as ‘Engage Men’s Health Training’, ‘MANifest’, ‘CAIRDE’ and men’s health and support groups are present and ever-growing in Ireland. They focus on men’s health and specifically men’s mental health in the construction and agricultural sectors. Quite a lot of work has already been done while there is still space to improve, with many services often focused on females.
Of course, personal responsibility plays a role in this too with the need for men to take control of their health and wellbeing as much as possible. However, male’s health and mental health is not simply an issue for the individual person. Men can often be, and usually are, influenced by other factors outside of their personal control, many of which were already mentioned in this article. Therefore, the responsibility does also rest with policy-makers, service providers, and society as a whole to recognise the role they can play and to do something about it.
I regularly work with male clients, and strikingly so with older males, and I am deeply impressed by their courage to reach out and then show up for therapy. To sit with a man at any age, who is saying he wants to address all the experiences, behaviours, thoughts and feelings he has never had an opportunity to look at or the space to do so in, leaves me in awe. It can be a radical act of choosing personal freedom from societal norms, familial influences and gender/sexuality stereotyping that results in a male growing to experience their fullness as human being.
Ronald Levant, an American psychologist, professor and former president of the American Psychological Association, studied traditional masculine roles and devised eight basic principles that often guide male behaviour. They are emotional restriction, avoidance of femininity, focus on toughness and aggression, self-reliance, achievement, rationality, objectification of sex and homophobia. All of these things may not be in the conscious awareness of any male but can show up in their day-to-day life through silence, anger, unhealthy behaviours, poor relationships with self and others, substance abuse, overworking and suicidal thoughts or actions, to name a few. Thankfully, these are all challenges that can be addressed in psychotherapy and counselling for men.
I have worked with many men who have found therapy to be supportive and helpful, and, for some, life-changing. The very inherent issue at hand is the capacity to be vulnerable in the face of many indicators that a man or boy should or cannot be. Vulnerability for males is often conflated with physical strength and perceived masculinity versus femininity. Yet, through psychotherapy and counselling, every person has the potential to discover that to be vulnerable in having, feeling and communicating emotions, requires the most strength any person could have, regardless of gender, sex or sexuality.
For more information on Leo’s services, phone: 085 1300573
email: info@leomuckley.com
web: www.leomuckley.com
SM@leomuckleypsychotherapy
