As another year lays ahead of us, it is prime time to whip out the ‘New Year, New Me’ attitude and, most likely, feel disappointed and criticise oneself when things don’t pan out as planned. We all do it, or have done it at some stage: Give up smoking, eat healthy, run daily, look better, sound better and just overall become better across the board. It is very common to fall into this mindset, which will usually follow a path to beating oneself up instead of a sense of resolution fulfilment. Polls and research regularly finding that nine out of 10 people do not complete goals or resolutions that are set with the best intentions at the beginning of the year. A recent Forbes Health poll found 62 per cent of the participants felt pressured into declaring a New Year’s resolution.
When it comes to mental health, it is well known that January can come with the ‘blues’ for many people. For some, this is the impact of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which results in cognitive slowdown and a sense of heaviness, similar to depression, but more specific to the seasons, as a person will not experience it during the summer months and may have no other challenging aspects to their life. For others, coming out of the festive season and over-indulgence can cause a crash of sorts. Back to work, possibly in debt and probably not feeling at their best physically.
Mental health challenges can be compounded at this time of year for many people, which leads to anxiety, depression, isolation and sometimes suicide. One year ago, I wrote my first column in this newspaper about suicide. The Central Statistics Office recently released their provisional statistics for 2022, which are the most concrete figures available, as more recent years cannot be confirmed due to how deaths, and suicide specifically, are reported and recorded in Ireland. In 2022, 436 people died by suicide. 346 were male (79pc) and 90 were female (21pc). These statistics are worth sharing to once again bring awareness to the pandemic of suicide in our country. One death by suicide is one too many; the mental health system in Ireland is underfunded by the government and the publicly available services are plagued by waiting lists. The majority of charities fund their services through the public’s generosity and, little known to the public, usually end up paying most of their funding to upper management such as CEOs and area managers and so on. The people that suffer in this all are the ones who need help the most when it is not readily available.
You might be thinking, ‘Well what’s the alternative to New Year’s Resolutions so, Mr Know It All?’. What I offer to you at this time of year is the idea of intentionality. To be intentional can be transformative, from a meditation and mindfulness point of view, this is to do one’s best to pay attention to what one is doing in any given moment and, to do so with an intention. From other perspectives, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which I am trained in, this would be referred to as cultivating and fostering an attitude of acceptance for what is and striving towards what can be based on your values. I trained with Jack Kornfield during 2024; he is a renowned mindfulness meditation teacher who is often referenced as being the one who brought mindfulness and meditation to Western society. In his wonderful book ‘A Path with Heart’, he says that “When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment…Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world”.
Is that not the true goal that is worthy of pursuit? To awaken to the fullness of one’s self as a human? To be present to our feelings and connectedness to others? To recognise our common humanity and accept that every one of us is doing the best we can with what we know can be eye-opening. Suddenly the world can become a much less challenging place. I recently saw a clip on social media regarding the idea of ‘Let Them’ that seems to be gaining a lot of attention. This is based on a book called ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins, an American author and podcast host, who says “If someone crosses a boundary or mistreats you, ‘let them’ may mean doing so with the understanding that what they’re doing is a reflection of them – not you – and acting accordingly”. This is all about acceptance of the other for who and what they are and then taking personal responsibility to have boundaries and autonomy around what one accepts in their own life.
So, as we look towards the next months, which will more than likely fly by, what might it be like to be intentional and present? To try one’s best to accept one’s self, others, and the world around you, as it is? To lean into presence and attention in the moment can help with mental health and, ironically, following through on goals and resolutions. Often, when a person ‘fails’ to achieve a goal, it is not because of a lack of skill, rather it is due to not maintaining discipline.
Often, psychotherapy and counselling can be viewed with stigma around it, as something for people with ‘mental illness’ or who are ‘sick in the head’. This could not be further from the truth. I work with clients who are suicidal or who have experienced childhood abuse. I also work with clients who are challenged by stressful jobs or life changes. I know when I go to see my own therapist that sometimes I am working on things that challenge me deeply. Other times when I am seeing my therapist I am working on discovering my capabilities as a person and being curious about what it is I am truly capable of when I see myself differently through the eyes of another.
Psychotherapy and counselling can be supportive for many reasons and might be something worth considering as you go forward into this New Year. It can support you in developing mental fortitude, intentionally, acceptance, presence and discovering who you truly are. As the great Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke says, “And now let us believe in a long year that is given to us, new, untouched, full of things that have never been, full of work that has never been done, full of tasks, claims, and demands; and let us see that we learn to take it without letting fall too much of what it has to bestow upon those who demand of it necessary, serious, and great things”. In other words, while striving for our best self, maybe we can also simply take it handy?
For more information on Leo’s services, phone: 085 1300573, email: info@leomuckley.com. web: www.leomuckley.com. social media: @leomuckleypsychotherapy
