This summer is already one for the memory bank and, even as I write in late July, the forecast for the next week or so is still sunshine and more sunshine. There have been so many beautiful moments already and a poignant sense of childhood when summer days and school holidays stretched on forever. I purposefully left out the ‘crazy’ in the song title I borrowed for this month’s piece; it didn’t seem to fit with the relaxed vibe of these past few weeks in this paradise that is Beara. Swims, light summer dresses, cool drinks, picnics, all reminiscent of youth; I can’t remember when I last walked on a beach in my togs or lay on a beach in Ireland soaking up the vitamin D goodness. To simply be where you are with moment-by-moment awareness is a gift that I keep coming back to, reminding myself that I am here. I am here now, in this gorgeous, balmy, lazy moment.
Universally renowned meditation teacher Jon Kabat Zinn wrote a book called ‘Wherever you go, there you are,’ a revealing title for many of us, because even though our bodies might be lying on a sunny beach in Allihies, our mind may have taken us off into the future or back to the past. To learn to bring our mind home to where our physical body is can be such a useful skill, in moments of joy, social awkwardness, indeed any moment at all. Even saying to yourself ‘I am here now’ helps to come back from old stories or thought spirals. My own mindfulness practices these days have a strong focus on taking in the good, and soaking up these bright, spacious days that seem to have no end. And a practice of gratitude, gratitude, gratitude for all the blessings of the past year.
I love the real wholesome goodness and simplicity of this remote place and my growing appreciation of the life that is developing here for me. There is no price to be put on peace of mind and that is precisely what these spacious and wise landscapes support. Reflecting on last summer, how different it feels to this moment, as I was only beginning then to piece the broken shell of myself together. This looking back can help us as we make our way forward, as we learn to shoulder our grief, and manage the other associated, layered, often unspoken or unexpected losses. Reflecting back is helpful now and then, it doesn’t mean we need to languish in the past, rather, to reflect helps us make sense of what’s happening now. It can be so encouraging to look back and see how far we’ve come.
A beautiful friend came to visit recently; it was so lovely to spend a few days with her and her lovely doggie. I was surprised, but loved it so much, when she casually asked me, “How is your grief?” The integrity, directness, presence and care of the question was quite unusual but so very welcome, like a cooling glass of water on a hot day. I could take a breath, feel my way towards an answer, no rush, she was waiting and would listen. She had opened the door, given me permission. How rare and precious that is. This friend knows deep grief and loss too and maybe you need to reach those depths in yourself before you can hold space for another, I don’t know.
I love when everything in my life is positive, who doesn’t? But that is not the reality of life for most of us. So, I prefer to practice being with what’s real instead of constant, almost forced, positivity, and that is precisely what mindfulness meditation teaches us, to deal with what is happening in the present moment, no matter what it is. We are encouraged to turn towards it, whether it is a joyful feeling, a sad or a critical one, or a feeling of gratitude. Reality is truth and constant positivity does not open the space to ask, “how is your grief?” Because when you ask a question like that you need the capacity and the grace to hear the answer. The opening it offered and conversation that followed was in the moment, it didn’t take from our weekend in any way, in fact it enriched it, with so many feelings co-existing side by side. My kind friend asking a simple but brave question made the world of difference to me, asking those hard questions is an act of love and shows you care enough in this busy life to wait for and hear an answer.
Mindfulness meditation by the sea in the Sarah Walker Gallery, Castletownbere as part of Festival of the Sea on August 1, 11am -12pm and 1-2pm.
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