Carl Rogers’ concept of an internal versus external locus of evaluation offers a useful way of understanding what happens when we lose contact with our own needs and begin to rely heavily on other people to tell us who we are and whether we are doing life ‘correctly.’ Although the language comes from person-centred theory, the concept has considerable relevance to psychotherapy, particularly when thinking about people-pleasing, perfectionism, burnout, boundaries and the development of a more compassionate relationship with oneself.
In his 1959 article titled ‘A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships,’ Rogers suggested that psychological development involves becoming increasingly able to trust one’s own organismic valuing process. In simple terms, this means developing the capacity to notice our own experience and use it as meaningful information. An internal locus of evaluation means being able to listen to others while retaining the capacity to ask one’s Self questions such as ‘What do I think? What do I feel? What matters to me? What do I need? What feels right?’ The opposite of this, an external locus of evaluation, occurs when the answers to these questions are increasingly or solely dependent upon others.
For Rogers, this can develop through what he called conditions of worth. Children are dependent upon significant others for love, trust, safety and belonging. If approval appears conditional upon being a particular way, a child may learn that some aspects of themselves are more acceptable than others leading to conditions upon their worth. This does not need to be explicit, it can happen quite subtly and implicitly over time. A parent may respond to a child with an eye roll and say “what do you want now?” A child might learn to not seek a parent’s attention in that manner, or at all, to stop feeling bad and adapt to what attention is available. The child might even decide that any attention at all is better than none even if it is ‘bad’ attention. Of course, explicit treatment of children in ways that lead them to develop conditions of worth can happen too. As a result, a child may become increasingly guided by introjected values rather than their own experiencing.
In modern terms, people-pleasing can be a common outcome of the development of an external locus of evaluation. A person who has developed a predominantly external locus of evaluation may become highly attentive to other people’s emotional states and expectations. They may find it difficult to say no, experience guilt when disappointing somebody, apologise excessively or automatically prioritise another person’s needs. People-pleasing can look like kindness objectively but subjectively it can be experienced as a strategy for maintaining safety, acceptance and/or belonging.
The person might be carrying a condition of worth, like a message swallowed whole, that sounds like “I’m only OK if I take care of others.” Deep down there might be an even more harsh message underlying this such as “I will only get love and be acceptable to others if I don’t have needs and wants.” Often leading to a person giving much more than they have available to give and then wondering why they feel so resentful or bitter on a regular basis. With that said, relationships most often involve responsiveness and consideration. The difficulty arises when responsiveness to others consistently overrides responsiveness to oneself.
There are many conditions of worth that can develop throughout life, not necessarily always as a child, such as “I won’t be safe unless I am loud and angry” or “If I don’t say no I will be OK.” The flavour of the condition is very unique to each individual but what is common is that, at some point, the condition of worth will often lead to challenges in living with ease. Perfectionism is a modern day term for how conditions of worth can impact a person. It is often not simply wanting to do something well. For some people, achievement becomes directly connected to self-worth often fuelled by a condition such as “I’m only deserving of love and acceptance if I prove my Self through my external productivity.” The evaluation sits outside the person even when the external judge has become internalised over time as a condition of worth.
A person with such conditions of worth may consequently think rest is failure and mistakes are evidence of inadequacy. Ordinary human limitations can become something that must be corrected even when rest, mistakes and limitations are core to our humanity. This can produce a seemingly paradoxical chronic inner tension in which considerable achievement coexists with persistent feelings of inadequacy or not good enoughness. The person may reach the perfect goalposts but, because the underlying problem is not the quality of the performance but the source from which worth is being determined, find that the goalposts shift every time. Apart from perfectionism, an external locus of evaluation can often lead to things like burnout, breakdown, depressions, anxieties, self-criticism, suicidality, challenging relationships with substances, challenges with setting boundaries and much more.
On the other hand, an internal locus of evaluation does not mean “I only care about myself”. We can choose to help someone because we genuinely value the relationship. The difference is that the behaviour is experienced as chosen rather than compelled. Someone with an internal locus may still say yes but they can also say no and be ok with their choice. This can be experienced as a message that might sound like, “I’m OK even if they are not OK” or “I deserve love and acceptance simply for being, as I am.”
The locus of evaluation can help in understanding why some people continue beyond their limits. Boundaries, can represent a practical expression of an internal locus of evaluation. To establish a boundary, we can recognise that our needs, wants and emotional capacities are relevant. We can have the capacity to tolerate the possibility that another person may dislike our boundary. Having boundaries can often be extraordinarily difficult for somebody whose sense of being acceptable is conditional upon maintaining other people’s approval.
Therapy can provide an important space in which these patterns become visible and a person can learn to identify their conditions of worth by differentiating things like choice from compliance or caring from responsibility. The therapeutic relationship itself can become part of this process. Person-centred therapy offers a context characterised by empathy and unconditional positive regard. Rogers proposed that such conditions can support movement towards greater congruence between experience and self-concept. This would not necessarily represent a movement from external evaluation to permanent internal certainty.
Rogers himself did not suggest that a psychologically healthy person never considers other people’s opinions. Rather, psychological development involves becoming increasingly able to receive external information without being governed by it. A person can learn to accept praise without needing it or to disappoint someone without concluding that they are a bad person as a result. The movement towards an internal locus of evaluation has the potential to make relationships more authentic, with others and one’s Self too.
I often work with clients in this regard, I have regularly had the honour to witness people develop a sense of self in which they no longer need another person’s approval in order to feel worthy, become freer to disagree, negotiate, set boundaries, apologise when appropriate and remain connected without abandoning one’s Self. As Roger’s put it himself, “I have found it highly rewarding when I can accept myself as I am, and be myself…I cannot provide a convincing imitation of something that I am not.”
For more information on Leo’s services, phone: 085 1300573, email: [email protected]. web: www.leomuckley.com; social media: @leomuckleypsychotherapy
