I’m sure, like many of you reading this, it feels like it has been an exceptionally busy June, and today, summer solstice, feels like the beginning of summer, rather than mid-summer, with all the joy that feeling brings. The early evening sun is still shining in beautiful Beara, a time to welcome the light outside and within. I have just had the wonderful experience of spending three days on a retreat called ‘Healing Relationships Through Listening’. It was at times raw and unsettling, as inner work can often be, but I left feeling at peace with myself and with the strong intention and motivation to delve deeper into the practices that we were guided through, including forgiveness and listening.
The name of the retreat reveals the topic and the very fact of registering for this retreat was admitting a vulnerability and acknowledging that many, if not all of us, have difficult relationships in our lives. This retreat was focused on accepting and healing, forgiveness of ourselves and others, not blaming or shaming anyone. It was about next steps. I found the humility and vulnerability in the room so reassuring. I was not alone. We practiced forgiveness, forgiving ourselves for anything hurtful said or done, directed inwardly or outwardly, consciously or unconsciously. And forgiving the times we have hurt and extending that forgiveness to others that have hurt us, again, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It all sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Oh, that it were so easy!
There was a strong focus on loving kindness practices where we wished ourselves and others well, even those we have difficult relationships with. What I was left with was a growing amount of acceptance, but also hope, that, even though many things are out of my control, I can keep my focus on myself, the only person that I am responsible for and can change my own attitude and behaviours to be a better listener. Over the course of the weekend, we were guided through various listening activities, some of which revealed how well we listen, or not. There was no judgement or criticism, and I think it would be fair to say that we can all improve on our listening skills. It is key to the success of any relationship. When someone listens to us it shows us that we matter. And we find our own answers from hearing ourselves speak, while someone listens.
Bringing awareness to or being mindful of how we listen is the first step. I found the whole three-day experience so profoundly healing and so helpful in moving forward. While it takes some time to process the depths reached by engaging with such contemplative practices, I felt lighter, more accepting and openhearted on leaving and would recommend this retreat to anyone who feels burdened by difficult relationships in life. Encouraged by the teachings and reminded that we all have health and healing inside of us, I was buoyed by the fact that mindfulness and compassion were core components to healing relationships that were drawn upon over the weekend. Also, by trusting in our innate goodness, I found something shifted in me.
If you were to reflect on how you listen in your own relationships, how would you describe your listening skills? An honesty and ability to look at your own patterns, dynamics and ways of being in relationships is required. It is something I’ll be more mindful of now and I will check in on myself as I listen. I am very grateful for the reflective space, teachings and insights over the weekend. For me, it strengthened my appreciation of those gorgeous people in life that do take time to accompany you and get to know you, by listening without advice or judgement. The serenity prayer was mentioned too and here it is for anyone with relationships that are estranged or difficult and where acceptance is needed. “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
In July and August, I will be taking a break from my weekly drop-in mindfulness sessions until we source an alternative venue to Myross Wood for Autumn. My monthly mindfulness peer support groups for family carers will continue in Beara and our Myross Wood family carers group will be in motion over the Summer! Also down in Beara, I am doing a wonderful piece of work with the Caha Centre called ‘Picnics on the Pass’, the last two are on July 6 and 13. With this lovely sunshine we’ve been having these days have been so special, a combination of mindfulness practices in nature and preparing and sharing food together with wonderful people in spectacular natural locations on or around the Healy Pass. What is that Mark Twain quote? “Find a job you enjoy doing and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
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