Sextortion is one of the fastest-growing online harms affecting children and teenagers, and yet many parents still feel unsure about what it actually looks like, how it happens, and what to do if it affects their child. Unlike some online risks that develop slowly, sextortion can escalate rapidly, leaving young people frightened, ashamed, and isolated.
Understanding how sextortion works is one of the most important steps parents can take to protect their children and respond effectively if something goes wrong.
Sextortion typically begins in a way that feels ordinary and harmless to a young person. A message arrives on social media, a gaming platform, or a messaging app. The person on the other end may appear to be another teenager, often attractive, friendly, and interested. Conversations can move quickly from casual chat to flirtation, and then to requests for images. In some cases, the young person willingly sends an image, believing they are in a private, mutual exchange. In other cases, images are obtained through pressure, manipulation, or deception. Once an image exists, the dynamic changes. The sender is threatened: pay money, send more images, or the original image will be shared with friends, family, or publicly online.
For teenagers, this experience can be terrifying. The fear of exposure taps directly into adolescent vulnerability around identity, reputation, and belonging. Many young people believe their life will be ‘over’ if an image is shared. As a result, they may comply with demands, sending more images or trying to find money, which only deepens the exploitation. Parents are often the last to know, not because children do not trust them, but because shame and fear are powerful silencing forces.
It is important for parents to understand that sextortion is not about poor judgement or reckless behaviour. It is a form of abuse. Perpetrators are skilled at manipulation and often operate at scale, targeting hundreds of young people at once. Boys are increasingly affected, particularly through gaming platforms and social media, though girls remain at risk as well. Sextortion does not discriminate by age, gender, background, or family environment. Any child with online access can be targeted.
One of the most damaging myths around sextortion is that it only happens when a child sends explicit images. In reality, images can be faked, edited, or generated using artificial intelligence. A normal photo taken from a public profile can be altered and used as leverage. This means that even children who have never shared an intimate image can become victims. This reality is deeply unsettling for parents, but it highlights why blame has no place in these conversations.
The emotional impact of sextortion on young people can be severe. Anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbance, withdrawal, and sudden changes in behaviour are common. Some young people become hypervigilant about their phones, terrified of incoming messages. Others avoid their devices altogether. In the most serious cases, sextortion has been linked to self-harm and suicidal thoughts. This is why it is essential that parents take any disclosure seriously, remain calm, and focus on safety rather than discipline.
Prevention starts with open, ongoing conversations about online life. Not one big ‘internet safety talk’, but many small, age-appropriate discussions that normalise talking about digital experiences. Children need to know that if something uncomfortable or frightening happens online, they will not be punished for telling the truth. Reassurance such as “You won’t be in trouble” and “I’m here to help you” can make the difference between silence and disclosure.
It is also helpful for parents to talk openly about manipulation. Teenagers often believe they would recognise danger immediately, but sextortion rarely looks threatening at first. Explaining how trust can be built quickly and falsely online helps young people understand that being tricked is not the same as being careless. Emphasising that anyone can be targeted reduces shame and encourages help-seeking.
If a parent discovers or is told that sextortion is happening, the first step is to pause and breathe. Your reaction will shape how safe your child feels in that moment. Avoid expressing anger, shock, or blame. The next step is to stop engagement with the perpetrator. Do not pay money or send additional images. Preserve evidence by taking screenshots of messages, usernames, and profiles. This information can be crucial for reporting and protection.
In Ireland, sextortion involving a child is a criminal offence, and support is available through organisations such as An Garda Síochána, who have specialist units trained to deal with online exploitation. Reporting can feel daunting, but it is an important step in stopping perpetrators and protecting others. For emotional support and age-appropriate guidance, resources like SpunOut.ie can also be helpful for both young people and parents.
Equally important is addressing the emotional aftermath. Even when a situation is resolved quickly, the sense of violation and fear can linger. Some young people benefit from professional support to process what happened and rebuild their sense of safety and self-worth. Parents may also need support, as feelings of guilt, anger, or helplessness are common. Sextortion affects the whole family system, not just the individual child.
One of the hardest aspects for parents to accept is that total online safety is not achievable. Devices, apps, and platforms change constantly. What parents can offer instead is connection, trust, and a clear message: “If something goes wrong, we will face it together.” This message is far more protective than any app or control setting.
Sextortion thrives in secrecy and silence. It loses power when young people know they are not alone, not to blame, and not beyond help. By staying informed, keeping communication open, and responding with calm support, parents can play a crucial role in protecting their children and helping them recover if the unthinkable happens. In a digital world full of risks, a steady, compassionate adult remains one of the strongest safeguards a child can have.
