Whether it was the continual sunshine or the constant presence of some good people and mindfulness practices in my life, or most likely a combination of these things, I really notice and appreciate how good I feel, having a sense of becoming ‘whole’ and more familiar to myself and feeling very grateful to have some vitality and energy back. I owe huge thanks to my mindfulness groups, because to have the opportunity to share our feelings and vulnerabilities in a safe space is priceless, whilst at the same time learning the sustainable skills of mindfulness and self-compassion.   I have met so many wonderful people through some beautiful work opportunities over the summer, including mindful picnics on and around the Healy Pass for the Caha Centre, mindfulness meditation by the sea in Castletownbere and my ongoing work with family carers which I value hugely.  

Even though my life and work are still a bit nomadic these days, I have the very best of both worlds, travelling the length and breadth of West Cork and Beara. I am beyond lucky to have been able to turn some of my own life experiences into programmes that can support others. While I am only beginning the process of planning my mindfulness work for the Autumn, I would like to flag two important events and programmes in the coming months. Because mindfulness practice has helped me through my own darkest hours, helped return me to some semblance of ‘normality’ and wholeness after crippling life events, it helps me massively to be able to offer these healing practices to others who might be facing difficulties.  

I will be running a new three-week compassion-based mindfulness programme for family carers in October. I am proud to say that this is the sixth year of this gentle, but impactful programme. I developed this programme whilst caring for my own dad and noticed how mindfulness helped and supported me as a family carer.  It helped me realise I was not alone, that my self-care mattered and taught me how to make best use of precious time with my dad, as well as some precious moments for myself. My ‘Reconnect and Re-engage’ programme consists of three workshops and is free thanks to the continued support of REACH funding administered by Cork Education and Training Board.  Once people have completed the three-week programme, they are welcome to join a monthly mindfulness peer support group. There is no pressure whatsoever to do so. For some, the three-week programme is enough, while many other family carers have been coming consistently for years now.

In November, (date and venue to be confirmed) by way of remembering and honouring my lovely, kind, brother, Dermot, I will be running another ‘Live Your Legacy’ mindfulness workshop as a fundraiser for the Kevin Bell Repatriation Trust and Eden Valley Hospice, where Dermot was shown great kindness. I hosted this workshop for the first time last November and was delighted to divide the monies raised between these two wonderful organisations. The KBRT provides support to Irish families who have a loved one die abroad. They help families to bring them home. KBRT is a wonderful example of a family, who lost their own son abroad, Kevin Bell, healing and honouring their own loss by supporting others in similar situations. There is such great healing and meaning to be found in giving a hand to others who travel a similar road, recognising our common humanity.  These lines from Emily Dickinson came to mind.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, / I shall not live in vain; / If I can ease one life the aching, / Or cool one pain, / Or help one fainting robin / Unto his nest again, / I shall not live in vain”.

FREE Mindfulness programme for family carers coming in October at Cnoc Bui, Union Hall on Tuesdays October 14, 21 and November 3 from 11am -2pm with refreshments and light lunch provided.  Please keep in touch: 087 2700572 or email: susanoreganmindfulness@gmail.com. www.mindhaven.ie

I feel that urine infections in women can be a condition that is put down to something we simply have to put up with. The reality is that many women do not ‘bother’ their GP every time they have a bout of cystitis; urine infections are not regarded as a serious illness in women under the age of 80.

Let’s first talk anatomy. The urinary tract is a plumbing system made up of the kidneys, ureters, bladder and urethra. This system plays an important role in removing wastes from your body. The kidneys are a pair of bean-shaped organs that lie in the middle of the back, just below the rib cage. One of their functions is to filter waste from your blood. Tubes, called ureters, carry urine from your kidneys to your bladder, where it is stored until it exits the body through the urethra. 

A urinary tract infection (UTI) is an infection that can occur anywhere along the plumbing system but most commonly involves the urethra and bladder, a so called lower UTI. Infection of the kidneys, an upper UTI, is a more serious condition called pyelonephritis.

Most UTIs are caused by the bacteria E.coli, that lives in the colon, especially the rectum.

Adult women are most commonly affected, as their urethra is shorter than men and opens nearer to the anus. This means it is easier for bacteria to enter the urinary system and cause an infection. About 40 per cent of women get at least one UTI in their lifetime. It is more common in sexually active women, during pregnancy, after surgery and menopause. It can also occur if the bladder does not completely empty or if catheters are used to empty the bladder.

How do I know if I have a urinary tract infection?

You will generally know! Your GP might ask about “tummy pain and burning or cystitis?”

When asked the question, can we be a little more honest about symptoms; lower abdominal pain on par with labour pains and peeing razorblades dipped in hydrochloric acid. That sounds about right, ladies?

We also tend to pee much more often than usual, sometimes needing to get up several times in the night. Urgency, a dire need to pee can be a feature, often with little or no urine being passed and, if you don’t get to a loo fast enough you might wet yourself. There can be blood in the urine. You may feel pressure in the lower pelvis or lower back ache. Urine may also become cloudy or smell unpleasant. These symptoms are seen with lower UTIs.

Symptoms and signs of more serious infection are fever, nausea, vomiting, chills and pain on one side in your lower back, indicating a kidney infection, called pyelonephritis. 

Why do female UTIs matter? 

A serious UTI can cause infection to spread to the bloodstream called sepsis. This can cause death if not recognised and treated on time. Even if sepsis does not occur,  UTIs involving the kidney, pyelonephritis, require hospital admission for IV antibiotics. Recurrent UTIs can result in cumulative damage to the kidneys reducing their ability to function and filter our blood. So, yes; every episode of cystitis is important and potentially harmful.

Why do some women have recurring Urinary Tract Infections, (rUTIs)?

The definition of  rUTIs is having two in six months or three over the last 12 months. There may be a structural issue in the plumbing, which may be related to menopause, and it is more common in pregnancy, when untreated UTIs are associated with increased risk of miscarriage. Post-op, they are more common, most likely related to needing catheterisation through the operation.

Often no specific cause is found. However,  you still should not ignore return symptoms.  

What can we do to prevent UTIs?

Number one – tell your GP! Every time you have symptoms! 

As a GP for 30 years, I have come across patients self managing recurrent episodes of painful peeing many times. Cystitis or discomfort when we pee can happen without infection; this is very common from age 45 onwards when it is caused by oestrogen deficiency associated with menopause transition. Urine testing is usually negative for infection, and the symptom of recurrent cystitis resolves with vaginal oestrogen, either as a pessary or cream.

So cystitis does not always equal UTI. But the only way of knowing that is to see your GP or practice nurse for a urine sample – every time you have symptoms.

Urine dipstick is a very accurate, sensitive way of confirming UTI. If dipstick is positive, your GP practice should send a sample off to the lab for analysis. This is especially important if you are having recurrent symptoms. The clinical definition of rUTIs is based on laboratory confirmation of infections.

However, especially in West Cork and during a late evening GP surgery, it is not always possible to get a sample off to the lab. But you should have a sample dipstick as a minimum every time you have symptoms. Only by doing so, can your GP diagnose rUTIs. If confirmed, your GP needs to investigate why they are happening.

Investigations

As a minimum, you need a scan of your urinary tract, ideally first with a full bladder, and again after you pee, to check you are emptying your bladder completely. What we call a residual volume, over 50 mls in younger, and over 100 mls in older women, is significant and requires referral to a specialist; a urologist. A scan will also rule out structural abnormalities such as one kidney being smaller than the other or hydronephrosis, a condition characterised by swelling of the kidney collecting system,  a marker of long standing back pressure. This might have been as a result of a childhood condition or obstruction of urine outflow by narrowing of the wee pipe called a urethral stricture.

If any abnormalities are found on scan or your recurrent UTIs are largely unexplained, your GP should refer you to see a urologist who may want to do an examination called a cystoscopy where they look up the urethra into the bladder. 

You’ve had rUTIs confirmed, your scan is normal; what next?

Two treatments need to start, ideally in your GP surgery: The first is a course of preventative or prophylactic antibiotics.  This is a very low dose, once at night mild antibiotic, usually for three to six months. Secondly, start vaginal oestrogen.

As a Menopause doctor, I, and readers of my articles, will be aware that oestrogen deficiency in perimenopause, menopause, and more so in the post menopause years, is the cause of many urinary symptoms including rUTIs.

Yes, we know that any woman, 45 and over, getting UTIs, should be started on vaginal oestrogen, as studies have repeatedly proven vaginal oestrogen prevents recurrent UTIs in this age group. Often oestrogen deficiency-related rUTIs start over the age of 65, many years after menopause transition, so both the woman and her GP may not realise that vaginal oestrogen is the cure, not repeated courses of oral antibiotics.

But that does not apply to women of all ages, or does it?

So what’s new? 

I chose this topic after reading a US study published in Urology Journal June 2026. The study team examined US healthcare data base to identify women with rUTIs,  defined as two separate coded UTIs within one to six months. Vaginal oestrogen prescription classification was either (1) never received or (2) received within two months of the second UTI. Outcomes of sepsis, hospital admission, and all-cause mortality were assessed within eight years of inclusion 

The study group looked at the records 1.8 million women aged 20 to 99 years with r UTIs: five per cent were prescribed vaginal oestrogen, 95 per cent were not.

The study team then looked at the outcomes for those two groups: vaginal oestrogen prescription was associated with lower odds of sepsis, hospitalisation, and death across all age groups.

Even I was surprised; I expected that outcome for the perimenopause/ menopause and post-menopause age cohorts, ages 45 to 99, but not for the younger women.

I hope this has been helpful. I urge women of all ages having symptoms suggestive of recurring bladder infections to see their GP. 

If you are having recurrent urinary symptoms, cystitis, leaking, frequency of urination, getting up at night to pee, then your GP can refer you to see Dr Aenne Helps, the gynaecologist who runs Bantry Hospital Gynaecology clinic once a month, where I work.

It’s finally time to start packing away those flimsy summer bits after a hot and glorious summer. I’m going to dive straight into something that I think is absolutely wonderful – mascara. As we age, mascara gives back a wonderful bit of life to the eye area, especially if you are like me and have zero interest in botox-ing or needling and so on. With more and more women developing an intolerance to mascaras and even foundations as they age, many of us are looking for more natural products. I would never share something with you unless I’ve tried it myself and I think that I have hit the jackpot. Did you know that you can mix organic castor oil and activated charcoal in a little glass jar and make your own mascara? The glass jar is also really important, organic products tire and lose their ‘goodness’ in plastic! All you need is a mascara brush and you are good to go. You will find that your lashes lengthen thanks to the castor oil. This is my gift to anyone whose eyes get easily irritated and have, alas, given up on wearing mascara. Please give me some feedback on this because I absolutely love my homemade organic mascara and I hope that you will love it too!

If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times – ‘What can I do about my belly and what should I wear?’ Most women with a fuller stomach make the same mistake, they choose the baggiest, most shapeless top they can find, thinking that it will hide everything. You need to know which tops, pants and dresses highlight your best features and create more balanced proportions. It’s not about hiding your body, it’s about directing the eye to the right places. You want the focus to be on your face, neckline and legs, not on your stomach. That’s why v-neck tops work so well; they create a vertical line, open up your neckline and visually lengthen your upper body. Wrap tops or wrap dresses are another great option, they create diagonal lines and gently define your figure. Styles with soft draping or ruching around the stomach skim over your body without clinging to it. High-waisted straight leg pants create a smoother silhouette and visually lengthen your legs. An open structured blazer creates two vertical lines down the centre of your body making your entire shape appear longer and more balanced.

So what should you avoid? Very thin clingy fabrics that highlight every line of your body, Low rise pants that cut across your stomach, tops that end exactly at the widest part of your belly and extremely over-sized clothes that completely hide your shape and make your figure appear heavier.

Choose fabrics that hold their shape without looking stiff, soft knits, medium weight cotton and gently structured fabrics are usually especially flattering. Try monochromatic outfits or combine similar shades on the top and bottom. This creates one continuous vertical line and visually lengthens your silhouette. Add an interesting neckline, statement earrings or a bold neck piece, these features naturally draw attention towards your face.

Here is the real secret… The most beautiful women are not the ones with perfectly flat stomachs, they are the ones who understand their proportions, choose the right clothes and don’t allow one part of their body to control or affect their confidence.

I know that you will all say ‘I know my body shape’ but do you really know your proportions? The most stylish women that I know are not a perfect size or shape, they just really understand their proportions and, once you understand this, everything changes.

Familiarise yourself with where your ‘middle’ sits. Not everyone’s waist is at the same place and, dressing as if it is, is where most women go wrong.

Find yours and define it. Everything else follows from there. A defined middle creates an hourglass illusion on every body shape – it’s the foundation all great outfits are built on.

Always think ‘volume on one, fitted on the other’! Full on top means that you streamline the bottom and wide-leg trousers mean a fitted or tucked-in top. This works because the eyes need a place to rest. Too much volume everywhere and the outfit overwhelms you, especially if you are petite. A taller person can get away with it, on occasion. Too fitted everywhere and there is no movement or interest because balance creates harmony.

Hem length is everything because where a skirt or trouser ends changes the entire look of your leg – too long and you lose height, too short and you lose elegance. The magic spot is just below the knee or at the ankle, both create a clean unbroken line and this makes legs look longer.

Make vertical lines your ‘Bestie!’ Wear a v-neck, a long open coat, a column of colour from top to toe. These work because the eye naturally follows a line. Vertical lines draw the gaze up and down, rather than across, creating length and balance on every body shape without changing a single thing about you.

Shopping and styling becomes a completely different process when you ‘stop thinking in pieces’ and ‘start thinking in silhouette’.

Stand in front of a full length mirror, step back and blur your eyes slightly. What shape are you making? That shape, not the individual items, is what other people see. Designers call this the ‘total look’ and it’s the difference between an outfit that works and one that almost does.

Proportion isn’t about having the right body, it’s about understanding the one you have!

Olive green is the absolute bomb and you will be seeing a lot of it this coming season. Here are a few colours that add even more elegance to this rich and glorious shade of green, navy (unexpected but sensational with a pop of white), light grey, burgundy, tonal – as in different shades or textures of olive on olive and a crisp white over an olive leather skirt or trousers! Any shade of blue denim works incredibly well too.

Clothes should be fun. If you have lost the joy of styling, have a quiet word with yourself and be willing to do a little research, let go of a few core debilitating beliefs and don’t keep anything for ‘good wear’ – every day is a wonderful occasion to celebrate something or other. Google your body shape for advice, hire a stylist as a treat but don’t stay stuck.

September always feels like a fresh start. As we settle back into routine after the summer, it’s an ideal time to reassess our skincare and beauty essentials. This month’s Beauty Edit features a selection of new launches that combine innovation, performance and everyday practicality to help your skin and hair look and feel their best.

Dr. Hauschka Renew & Activate Ampoules

Designed as an intensive nighttime treatment, these ampoules help support the skin’s natural collagen production while providing long-lasting hydration. Formulated with extracts of Madonna lily, witch hazel and rose, they help strengthen the skin barrier, improve resilience and leave the complexion looking smoother, firmer and more radiant by morning. Ideal when your skin is looking tired, dull or in need of a boost, 28 × 2ml €74.95. For those with sensitive or redness-prone skin, the Dr. Hauschka Calm & Balance Ampoules are a lovely alternative (these come in a seven-day treatment, 7x2ml €24.95 as well as a 28-day treatment option, 28 × 2ml €74.95). They help soothe and cool the skin while reducing the appearance of redness, making them particularly useful after sun exposure or whenever skin feels stressed and reactive, available online from drh.ie and selected Dr. Hauschka stockists nationwide. 

Hawaiian Tropic Fragrance Collection

Known for its iconic sun care, Hawaiian Tropic has bottled the scent of summer in a new collection of affordable fragrance mists. Inspired by tropical holidays, warm sunshine and sandy beaches, the range includes body mists, shimmer editions and pearlescent fragrances designed to bring a little escapism to your everyday routine. My favourite is Golden Paradise, a beautifully balanced blend of juicy pear, pineapple and creamy coconut, with warm notes of sandalwood, amber and musk creating a soft, sun-kissed finish. Tropical Oasis is another lovely option, combining coconut, nectarine and papaya with delicate floral notes for a fresh, tropical scent that’s perfect for everyday wear. Light, easy to wear and great value at just €13, these fragrance mists are ideal for anyone who loves fresh, holiday-inspired scents and wants a simple way to keep that summer feeling going all year round, available from selected supermarkets and pharmacies nationwide

Aveda One For All Leave-In Elixir

Aveda has expanded its haircare range with the launch of One For All Leave-In Elixir, a lightweight multi-tasking spray designed to suit every hair type and texture. Offering an impressive 25 benefits in a single formula, it helps hydrate, smooth, detangle and nourish the hair while reducing frizz, enhancing shine and protecting against heat styling. While offering deep conditioning benefits, the formula remains lightweight enough for fine hair while providing lasting moisture and manageability for thicker textures. It also helps minimise breakage, prevent split ends and protect hair from the drying effects of the sun, making it an ideal everyday styling companion. Vegan, silicone-free and 99 per cent naturally derived, it’s finished with Aveda’s signature botanical aroma of rose, jasmine and ylang ylang for a luxurious finishing touch. Suitable for use on damp hair before styling, it’s an easy addition to any haircare routine and a great all-rounder for anyone looking to simplify their styling products without compromising on performance, €34 available to buy online from avedastore.ie and Aveda partner salons nationwide.

Dermalogica Smart Eye Density Cream

The skin around the eyes is often one of the first areas to show visible signs of ageing, making a targeted eye cream a worthwhile addition to your skincare routine. Dermalogica’s new Smart Eye Density Cream is designed to help improve the appearance of skin density while visibly firming, smoothing and hydrating this delicate area. Its lightweight yet nourishing formula helps soften the appearance of fine lines and supports the skin’s natural resilience without feeling heavy, making it suitable for both morning and evening use. If you’re noticing changes in firmness or texture around the eyes, this is a sophisticated treatment that delivers hydration while helping the eye area appear smoother, stronger and more refreshed, €143, available online from dermalogica.ie and Dermalogica stockists nationwide.

ASAP SPF50+ Moisturising Defence+

A daily sunscreen is one of the most important steps in any skincare routine, and ASAP’S new SPF50+ Moisturising Defence+ combines high-level sun protection with skincare benefits in one lightweight formula. Acting as a moisturiser, primer and SPF, it provides broad-spectrum UVA and UVB protection while helping to defend against premature skin ageing and environmental damage. The fragrance-free formula is enriched with Kakadu Plum, a potent antioxidant rich in naturally occurring vitamin C, alongside niacinamide to help strengthen the skin barrier, improve skin tone and support a more even complexion. Hyaluronic acid, panthenol, aloe vera and vitamin E work together to deliver lasting hydration while helping to soothe and protect the skin. With its invisible, non-greasy finish, it’s suitable for all skin types and wears beautifully under makeup, making it an excellent everyday sunscreen that combines effective UV protection with high-performance skincare, €55 available online from asapskincare.ie and ASAP skincare stockists nationwide.

To make an appointment for one of my Advanced Facial Treatments | Medical Microneedling | Byonik Laser | Dermalux LED Light Therapy |Slimyonik Body Airstyler | Teen Facials book online at www.shernamalone.ie 

For me, fashion has always been a playground for experimentation. Perhaps this feels especially natural when you are young, when curiosity is still stronger than habit and personal style has not yet settled into a fixed formula. That was one of the reasons I wanted Caoimhe Teeling to be part of this project.

There is an ease about her that immediately makes you want to experiment. She is energetic, cheerful, open and, most importantly, genuinely curious. She does not seem interested in fashion as a set of instructions. For her, it is much closer to play.

“I see fashion as a way of expressing yourself and showing a bit of your personality,” she says. “I love feminine pieces, colour and anything that feels a little different, but I also like mixing things up and not taking fashion too seriously.”

Caoimhe works in the pharmacy in Schull, where she especially enjoys the human side of the job. That warmth comes through very quickly when you meet her.

Outside work, beauty and makeup are a big part of her world. She has always enjoyed experimenting with different looks and styles, not in a particularly serious or perfectionist way, but as something fun and creative.

She talks about spending time with friends, getting ready together, trying something different just because you feel like it.

When I asked Caoimhe whether she was willing to experiment with her style, the answer was immediate. “Definitely.” And she meant it.

“I love experimenting, whether that’s with clothes, makeup, hair or trying a style that I wouldn’t normally go for. I think that’s one of the most fun things about fashion and beauty because you can change it depending on your mood and discover new sides of yourself.”

That attitude became the starting point for the styling. I wanted the clothes to feel playful rather than polished in a predictable way.

There is something wonderfully disarming about fashion in a rural setting. Clothes immediately lose some of their seriousness. 

The three looks in this shoot are not choosing one fixed version of femininity, but allowing softness, humour, colour, toughness and a little contradiction to exist side by side.

Look 1

The first look begins with something familiar and romantic: a red gingham dress.

But instead of wearing it in the expected way, I layered it over wide-leg jeans and added a chunky textured cardigan. That simple shift immediately changes the mood. The dress is still feminine, still slightly nostalgic, but it no longer belongs to one particular style story.

A red ribbon with a flower at the neck echoes the red shoes, creating a strong colour rhythm through the outfit. Then the yellow checked bag and hat are thrown in almost like an interruption.

The statement earrings pick up the warm yellow accents and give the upper part of the look more presence.

There is a lot going on, deliberately so.

For me, this look is where cottagecore meets contemporary eclecticism. It has the romance of the countryside, but without being overly sweet or predictable. The jeans toughen it slightly, the colour combinations make it more playful, and the different checks don’t match too perfectly.

Stylist’s tip: Don’t be afraid to combine several prints or strong colours in one outfit. One of the easiest ways to make an eclectic mix feel intentional is to repeat a colour in more than one place. It creates a visual thread and helps even unexpected combinations feel connected.

Look 2

The second look is more mischievous.

Stripes become the visual thread running through the whole outfit. They appear on the micro shorts, return on the high socks and, unexpectedly, continue onto the teddy bear attached to the bag – who is also wearing a striped shirt.

It is a tiny detail, but those are often the details I enjoy most.

The romantic white top brings softness, while the oversized leather jacket and heavy boots pull the look in a grungier direction. Neither side wins completely. That is what keeps it interesting.

The large earrings add another point of focus around the face, while the little bag and teddy bear introduce a sweet, almost naive element.

I like clothes that contain a slight contradiction.

Something feminine with something rough. Something polished with something silly. Something that looks serious from a distance and makes you smile when you notice the details.

Stylist’s tip: Accessories do not have to be the final, practical addition to an outfit. Sometimes they can be the starting point. An unusual bag, a pair of bold earrings or one repeated pattern can give an entire look its personality.

Look 3

The third outfit is quieter at first glance, but the contrast is still there.

A soft white knitted top and a flowing skirt create a light, romantic base. Over that, I added an oversized leather jacket and cinched it at the waist with a wide brown belt.

The belt is the detail that changes the entire silhouette.

Without it, the jacket would remain loose, oversized and slightly detached from the softness underneath. With it, the proportions shift. The waist becomes visible, the jacket becomes almost sculptural, and the whole outfit feels more deliberate.

Black slingback flats with metallic details add a sharper note, while the small black bag connects back to them. Large earrings once again bring attention towards the face.

The romance is still there, but it has some resistance now. Leather, metal and the strong line of the belt stop the outfit from becoming too delicate.

Stylist’s tip: Try wearing a belt over an oversized jacket or blazer. It is such a small adjustment, but it can completely alter the proportions and make a familiar piece feel new again.

A special thank you to Mary and Gerry for so generously allowing us to photograph on their farm and for making us feel so welcome.

Makeup, styling and photography by Galyna Zaitseva.

Hey everyone! My name is Zainah Syed, and I’m an aspiring romance author and lover of all things literature! As a writer living in one of the biggest cities in the world, I’m often exploring the city. Thankfully, I also live near an F train station, which, in my opinion, is one of New York’s most iconic trains. We just had a few major sporting events here, with the New York Knicks winning the National Basketball Association championship and the World Cup Final, so we’re all super festive this summer. I love seeing the specially wrapped World Cup trains roll through the stations even though it’s been a few weeks since the final. Now, exploring the city wouldn’t be complete without me going to some bookstores to see which new Penguin Random House classic or romance novel will be appearing on my TBR list. There’s nothing I love more than love because, after all, who are we without it? I have spent much of my teen years trying to recreate the same love I’ve spent my whole life fantasising about and, as an avid reader and writer of romance novels, I was absolutely relentless in my pursuit. I wanted something akin to Lara Jean from ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ or a love story straight out of a Lynn Painter book. Life imitates art after all, right?

On rainy days, I love to walk through Central Park with a friend, watching the streams, climbing the rocks uphill, and watching the cardinals fly by. I’m also a major history geek, so the Metropolitan Museum of Art is honestly a second home. I’m really drawn to Byzantine and Medieval European art, and there’s always something new to discover at the Met. Of course, when I’m not lost in fairytale-land, I love exploring the concrete jungle. In Manhattan, I love walking through Rockefeller Center or Fifth Avenue, all while pretending I’m Andrea Sachs from ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ (I aspire to be just like Miranda Priestly when I grow up). Or perhaps like Empress Theodora, who found her perfect match with Emperor Justinian.

My quest to find my own Justinian has certainly been…eventful, but I’d never call it unsuccessful. I’ve had a few crushes, as we all have had, I’m sure. I was once met with what I certainly thought was the love of my life, when a cute boy who I was friendly with started flirting with me. He claimed we were just friends, but the flirting meant something to me and I felt a pang whenever I remembered it was fake. Alas, I pushed on, trying to be as close as possible to him, even when he didn’t reply to messages. In the end, he was definitely not a fan of me clinging to him! (Not the first time, you guys should’ve seen the disaster of a crush I had just a couple of years ago. I tend to cling when I think I like a boy.) Whew, I don’t think I’ll be making that mistake again. I definitely jumped the gun too early and while I think the great love I’ve been searching for does exist, perhaps now is not the best time. Now is the time for teenage crushes and experiencing who I become when someone else enters the labyrinth that is my heart. We grow as people as we live, and right now, we are still in the early stages of who we will become in life. I am still only the first version of myself, after all. I’ll never stop believing that love exists, and for us teens, it’s a bit hard to navigate. I myself am still stuck in the stage where it’s ‘bad’ to have your crush know that you like them! I’ve learned, though, from some of my crushes, and I’d be more than happy to help you all too!

There was no criticism in the way she said it, and no suggestion that she didn’t love the teenager her daughter had become. It was simply an honest acknowledgement of something many parents experience, but perhaps feel uncomfortable admitting. Sometimes, we miss them.

We miss the child who climbed into our bed in the morning, the one who wanted to tell us every tiny detail of their day before they had even taken their coat off. We miss the child who reached automatically for our hand, who thought we knew the answer to almost everything, and who wanted us to watch every cartwheel, drawing, football trick or slightly questionable dance performance.

And then, almost without noticing exactly when it happened, something changes. The bedroom door closes more often and the answers become shorter. “How was school?” “Fine.” “What did you do?” “Nothing.” The child who once narrated their entire existence suddenly seems to have developed a highly classified private life.

Affection can change too. The hug at the school gate becomes embarrassing, the kiss goodbye must happen before anyone is looking, and sometimes even being seen in public with a parent appears to require careful risk assessment.

It can be funny, of course. Adolescence gives families plenty of moments that become stories later. But underneath the humour, there can also be a surprisingly real sense of loss.

We talk a great deal about the changes teenagers experience during adolescence, but perhaps not enough about what this developmental stage asks of parents. Because adolescence requires parents to change too.

For years, parenting is largely about moving closer. We feed, carry, comfort, protect, organise and supervise. We know where our children are, who they are with and what they are doing. When something goes wrong, they usually come looking for us.

Then adolescence begins asking us to do something that can feel completely unnatural. It asks us to step back. Not disappear, stop parenting or become indifferent, but loosen our grip enough for another person to begin emerging. And that can be difficult.

When parents say, “She used to tell me everything,” what I often hear underneath is, “I used to know how to reach her.” When they say, “He never wants to spend time with us anymore,” sometimes what sits underneath is, “I’m not sure where I fit in his life now.” And when a parent says, “They’ve changed so much,” there can be an unspoken question beneath it: will we still be close when all of this is over?

It is understandable that parents sometimes respond to this uncertainty by trying harder to get the old relationship back. We ask more questions. We insist on family time. We become frustrated by closed doors and one-word answers. We remind them that they “used to love” doing certain things with us.

But perhaps the task isn’t to get the old relationship back. Perhaps it is to build a new one.

Adolescence is not simply childhood with more attitude and a later bedtime. It is a period of enormous psychological development. Teenagers are beginning to ask questions they could not have asked in quite the same way as children: Who am I when I am not simply somebody’s son or daughter? What do I believe? Where do I belong? What do other people think of me? What parts of my family do I want to carry with me, and what parts might I do differently?

To answer those questions, teenagers need some distance from us. That distance can look like rejection when we are standing on the other side of it. But often, it isn’t.

The teenager who no longer tells you everything may still desperately need to know that you are available. The teenager who pulls away from your hug in front of their friends may still want one in the kitchen later that evening. The teenager who says, “I know!” before you have finished your sentence may still be quietly absorbing far more of what you say than they will ever admit.

Our role however hasn’t disappeared. It is merely changing.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts of parenting teenagers is learning not to measure connection using the same signs we used when they were younger. Connection at fifteen may not look like connection at seven.

It might be your teenager appearing in the kitchen at 10.30pm at night while you are trying to go to bed and suddenly deciding that this is the perfect moment to discuss something important. It might be a lift in the car where neither of you looks directly at the other, yet somehow a conversation begins. It might be sending you a ridiculous video instead of saying, “I was thinking about you.” It might simply be sitting in the same room without speaking very much at all.

Sometimes we miss these moments because we are looking for the child who used to come running towards us.

There is another challenge too. As our children grow, they begin showing us parts of themselves that we may not recognise. They develop opinions we don’t share. They choose clothes we wouldn’t choose. Their humour changes. Their friendships become incredibly important. Their interests may take them into worlds we know nothing about.

There is a temptation to keep reminding them who they used to be. “You were always so outgoing.” “You used to love school.” “You were never like this before.”

Usually, these words come from concern. But imagine what they might sound like to a teenager who is still trying to work out who they are. Perhaps they hear: I preferred the old version of you.

There is a beautiful opportunity hidden inside this uncomfortable stage of parenting. We get to become curious about our children again.

Not curious in the investigative sense of checking phones, interrogating friendships or trying to extract information, but curious in the way we might be when getting to know someone we genuinely find interesting. What makes you laugh now? What matters to you? What do you think about things? What feels difficult about being your age? What are you discovering about yourself?

And sometimes, rather than asking anything at all, curiosity simply means leaving enough space for them to show us.

Because the little child we remember has not disappeared. They are still there in countless small ways: in a familiar expression, in the way they laugh when something really catches them off guard, in the foods they still ask us to make when they need comfort, or in those moments when the teenage armour slips and, just briefly, we see the child we have known all along.

But alongside that child, someone new is appearing. Someone we haven’t met before.

Perhaps that is one of the bittersweet privileges of parenting: loving every version of our children while knowing we cannot keep any of them forever. The toddler becomes the schoolchild. The schoolchild becomes the teenager. The teenager eventually becomes an adult.

Our job was never to stop that from happening.

So, if you sometimes look at your teenager and quietly miss the child they used to be, you are certainly not alone. Keep the memories. Miss those years when you need to.

But keep looking at the person standing in front of you too.

You are not losing your child. You are meeting them again.

In his 1959 article titled ‘A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships,’ Rogers suggested that psychological development involves becoming increasingly able to trust one’s own organismic valuing process. In simple terms, this means developing the capacity to notice our own experience and use it as meaningful information. An internal locus of evaluation means being able to listen to others while retaining the capacity to ask one’s Self questions such as ‘What do I think? What do I feel? What matters to me? What do I need? What feels right?’ The opposite of this, an external locus of evaluation, occurs when the answers to these questions are increasingly or solely dependent upon others.

For Rogers, this can develop through what he called conditions of worth. Children are dependent upon significant others for love, trust, safety and belonging. If approval appears conditional upon being a particular way, a child may learn that some aspects of themselves are more acceptable than others leading to conditions upon their worth. This does not need to be explicit, it can happen quite subtly and implicitly over time. A parent may respond to a child with an eye roll and say “what do you want now?” A child might learn to not seek a parent’s attention in that manner, or at all, to stop feeling bad and adapt to what attention is available. The child might even decide that any attention at all is better than none even if it is ‘bad’ attention. Of course, explicit treatment of children in ways that lead them to develop conditions of worth can happen too. As a result, a child may become increasingly guided by introjected values rather than their own experiencing.

In modern terms, people-pleasing can be a common outcome of the development of an external locus of evaluation. A person who has developed a predominantly external locus of evaluation may become highly attentive to other people’s emotional states and expectations. They may find it difficult to say no, experience guilt when disappointing somebody, apologise excessively or automatically prioritise another person’s needs. People-pleasing can look like kindness objectively but subjectively it can be experienced as a strategy for maintaining safety, acceptance and/or belonging.

The person might be carrying a condition of worth, like a message swallowed whole, that sounds like “I’m only OK if I take care of others.” Deep down there might be an even more harsh message underlying this such as “I will only get love and be acceptable to others if I don’t have needs and wants.” Often leading to a person giving much more than they have available to give and then wondering why they feel so resentful or bitter on a regular basis. With that said, relationships most often involve responsiveness and consideration. The difficulty arises when responsiveness to others consistently overrides responsiveness to oneself.

There are many conditions of worth that can develop throughout life, not necessarily always as a child, such as “I won’t be safe unless I am loud and angry” or “If I don’t say no I will be OK.” The flavour of the condition is very unique to each individual but what is common is that, at some point, the condition of worth will often lead to challenges in living with ease. Perfectionism is a modern day term for how conditions of worth can impact a person. It is often not simply wanting to do something well. For some people, achievement becomes directly connected to self-worth often fuelled by a condition such as “I’m only deserving of love and acceptance if I prove my Self through my external productivity.” The evaluation sits outside the person even when the external judge has become internalised over time as a condition of worth.

A person with such conditions of worth may consequently think rest is failure and mistakes are evidence of inadequacy. Ordinary human limitations can become something that must be corrected even when rest, mistakes and limitations are core to our humanity. This can produce a seemingly paradoxical chronic inner tension in which considerable achievement coexists with persistent feelings of inadequacy or not good enoughness. The person may reach the perfect goalposts but, because the underlying problem is not the quality of the performance but the source from which worth is being determined, find that the goalposts shift every time. Apart from perfectionism, an external locus of evaluation can often lead to things like burnout, breakdown, depressions, anxieties, self-criticism, suicidality, challenging relationships with substances, challenges with setting boundaries and much more.

On the other hand, an internal locus of evaluation does not mean “I only care about myself”. We can choose to help someone because we genuinely value the relationship. The difference is that the behaviour is experienced as chosen rather than compelled. Someone with an internal locus may still say yes but they can also say no and be ok with their choice. This can be experienced as a message that might sound like, “I’m OK even if they are not OK” or “I deserve love and acceptance simply for being, as I am.”

The locus of evaluation can help in understanding why some people continue beyond their limits. Boundaries, can represent a practical expression of an internal locus of evaluation. To establish a boundary, we can recognise that our needs, wants and emotional capacities are relevant. We can have the capacity to tolerate the possibility that another person may dislike our boundary. Having boundaries can often be extraordinarily difficult for somebody whose sense of being acceptable is conditional upon maintaining other people’s approval.

Therapy can provide an important space in which these patterns become visible and a person can learn to identify their conditions of worth by differentiating things like choice from compliance or caring from responsibility. The therapeutic relationship itself can become part of this process. Person-centred therapy offers a context characterised by empathy and unconditional positive regard. Rogers proposed that such conditions can support movement towards greater congruence between experience and self-concept. This would not necessarily represent a movement from external evaluation to permanent internal certainty.

Rogers himself did not suggest that a psychologically healthy person never considers other people’s opinions. Rather, psychological development involves becoming increasingly able to receive external information without being governed by it. A person can learn to accept praise without needing it or to disappoint someone without concluding that they are a bad person as a result. The movement towards an internal locus of evaluation has the potential to make relationships more authentic, with others and one’s Self too.

I often work with clients in this regard, I have regularly had the honour to witness people develop a sense of self in which they no longer need another person’s approval in order to feel worthy, become freer to disagree, negotiate, set boundaries, apologise when appropriate and remain connected without abandoning one’s Self. As Roger’s put it himself, “I have found it highly rewarding when I can accept myself as I am, and be myself…I cannot provide a convincing imitation of something that I am not.”

For more information on Leo’s services,  phone: 085 1300573, email: info@leomuckley.com. web: www.leomuckley.com; social media: @leomuckleypsychotherapy

This month Natalie Webb is showing us how to make a jellyfish bookmark.

Materials: 

•  A small wooden spoon – can be purchased in craft shops but I got mine from a local cafe.

•  Paint – two colours of your choosing, I used purple and blue.

•  Small piece of card, I used pink.

•  Black marker pen

•  Two different colour wools – I used dark pink and light pink.

•  Glue.

Paint the “head” of the spoon on both sides with one of your colours and, once that has dried, paint on spots with your other colour. Leave to dry.

Cut out 12 strips of wool in different colours, approx 8cm long.

Glue on your wool about 3/4 of the way down the spoon head, so that it dangles down over the spoon handle.

Cut out two small rectangle shapes with a wavy edge on one side. Glue these on to the front and back of your spoon, to cover the top of your wool strips.

To finish off draw on the face of your jellyfish with your marker.

Now the best part.. find your favourite book and settle down for a good read!

I’ll take a minute to acknowledge that it hasn’t exactly been great for everyone. Some farmers have had to use their winter stocks of hay early because the fields are so parched. Hosepipe bans and water restrictions have also been a plague in some parts. 

Notwithstanding the problems, for many of us summer 2026 was pure bliss. I will admit that I loved every single sunny day.

I have never got into the ocean as often – not even in 1995! I have discovered new beautiful places to swim in West Cork. In fact, it is almost impossible to believe that on the first weekend of June 2026 we were huddling in our winter coats as the rain drenched us out in Allihies! It hardly seems possible that this is the same summer. The balmy days, bright blue skies and appealing Atlantic Ocean make West Cork as gobsmackingly beautiful as any beautiful place of Earth – and better than many. I am the lovely light brown colour that is my ethnic heritage (Spanish/Italian), instead of the sickly pale green, grey of winter. I have enjoyed terrace life for three months. We sit around outside before and after dinner and on sunny afternoons. Even the nights when it felt a tad too hot have been delightful. Sleeping with all the windows open and just a light sheet is great, and I pity those of you who cannot enjoy it.

What can I say – I’m a Mediterranean who relishes the heat. Or at least the Med of my childhood. While we have mostly enjoyed the good weather here, in other parts of Europe it has been Hell.  An official heatwave in Ireland is declared by Met Éireann when a weather station records five or more consecutive days at 25 degrees Celsius or above. A higher temperature would rarely be met in Ireland due to its maritime climate. In fact, despite climate change, it is unlikely that we will ever see consistent temperatures of over 40C. A run of 26 degrees Celsius or more, as we had in July, is a genuine heatwave in Ireland, even though it would barely register in Spain. In fact, it would be welcomed as a “fresh” day.

The same heat dome that gave Ireland its 2026 ‘heatwave’ pushed temperatures past 40 degrees Celsius across Spain, Portugal, Italy and southern France. The UK was also roasting. I grew up in Belgium, which used to have a quite similar climate to Ireland with perhaps more sun in the summer and more snow in the winter. This summer Belgium has been sweltering with several heatwaves of 36C. When I was a child 28C was a major heatwave. People suffer because the buildings are not made for the heat, rather they are built for cold winters.

For travellers trying to escape extreme heat, Ireland sits firmly in the comfortable zone, which is why it works well as a cooler-summer alternative. I keep meeting Spanish and Italians who love the lower temperature of our wild Atlantic shores. After staying indoors in the dark during the day for most of the summer, our visitors from the South relish our cooler climes. I even met some who were deliria with a sudden downpour.

I got a taste for what they were talking about when we popped over to Spain to visit a cousin for a few days. When we arrived it was over 36C. Thankfully the temperature dropped a bit after that. After living in West Cork for over thirty years 36C is tough. At least most bars restaurants and other public spaces have AC. Terraces in the shade abound and there are lots of lovely drinks to keep you hydrated. I found myself using cold water bottles as a cold compress on my neck and wrists to cool down. One thing for sure, we weren’t going to be walking around during the day. Or standing in a queue for that matter. Apart from visiting with my cousin and a lot of bar and restaurant hopping – we did very little. It was just too hot. It was lovely to get back home to 22C and even a spot of rain. Our goldilocks weather this summer truly hit the sweet spot – long may it last. Before you know it, we’ll be back to dark afternoons, huddled by the fire as the wind and rain lashes around the house!

‘For richer, for poorer’ sounds lovely during the vows, but what does it actually mean financially? Before getting married, couples will happily discuss where they want to live, whether they want children and where they’d love to travel. The conversations that are often harder are the ones about salaries, debt, savings, pensions and what happens if life doesn’t follow the plan. Yet these are arguably some of the most important conversations you can have before you get married. Financial compatibility isn’t about earning the same amount or agreeing on every purchase. It’s about understanding what you’re building together.

We talk a lot more today about equality within relationships, and rightly so. Many couples split their mortgage, bills and household costs fifty-fifty. On paper, that sounds completely fair. But life isn’t always fifty-fifty, particularly when children arrive. If a woman takes maternity leave, follows it with unpaid leave, reduces her hours or turns down opportunities because they don’t work around family life, the financial impact can follow her for decades. Her partner may continue progressing in salary and pension contributions while hers slow down or stop altogether. The household spreadsheet might still say fifty-fifty, but the long-term financial picture may tell a very different story.

Imagine a couple who are both earning €50,000 when they get married. Ten years later, one has continued working full-time while the other has taken two maternity leaves, additional unpaid leave and then worked a four-day week for several years. They might still consider themselves a fifty-fifty household, but are their pensions still fifty-fifty? Are their earnings still progressing at the same rate? What about future promotions or employer pension contributions? These aren’t reasons not to take time out with your family. They’re reasons to recognise that childcare and career breaks are family financial decisions, not simply one person’s financial cost.

In Ireland, full-rate Maternity Benefit is currently €299 per week for 26 weeks for those who qualify, although some employers top this up or continue salary during maternity leave. A further 16 weeks of unpaid maternity leave can also be taken. That makes this a financial planning conversation, not simply a maternity-leave conversation. If one parent works part-time for five years, should the pension contributions they’re missing be considered part of the family’s cost of childcare? If one career is temporarily taking a back seat to allow the family to function, should the long-term impact of that be something both partners plan for?

The latest CSO figures show supplementary pension coverage among working women at 66 per cent, compared with 68 per cent for men. The difference in coverage might not sound dramatic, but simply having a pension doesn’t tell us how much is actually being accumulated within it. Time away from work, reduced hours, salary differences and lower contributions can all affect the eventual outcome. A pension statement at retirement can reflect decisions and circumstances that happened decades earlier.

Then there is the bigger question: does your idea of the future actually match your partner’s? I regularly encourage couples to start at the end and work backwards. At what age would you both like to retire? Does one person picture travelling at 60 while the other assumes they’ll work until 70? What income would you like to have? What pensions already exist? Are there old pensions from previous jobs? Are you saving and investing towards the same future, or are you simply paying today’s bills and assuming retirement will sort itself out?

Protection deserves a place in the conversation too. If you’re combining your financial lives, buying a home or planning a family, ask the uncomfortable questions while everything is going well. If one of you became seriously ill, could the other afford the mortgage? What happens if one income disappears? Do you have appropriate life cover, specified illness cover or income protection? How much emergency money do you actually have? These aren’t particularly romantic conversations, admittedly, but neither is discovering during a crisis that you don’t know the answers.

Debt needs to be on the table too. Interestingly, the same Irish Wedding Survey found that 29 per cent of respondents used a wedding loan to help fund their day. There is nothing wrong with spending money on the wedding you want if it fits your circumstances, but starting married life with debt neither partner has properly factored into the plan is a different matter. Before getting married, both people should know what the other owns, what they owe and what commitments already exist.

I’ve met couples who have been together for years and know everything about each other except their finances. When we sit down for a financial review, sometimes it’s the first time they’ve actually seen each other’s pensions, savings, debts and protection laid out together. Very often, that’s when the real conversation starts. There isn’t one correct way to manage money as a couple. Some people combine everything, others maintain separate accounts, and many use a mixture of both. The important thing is that the arrangement is intentional rather than something you’ve simply fallen into.

If you’re getting married, I’d start with five questions. What do we each own and owe today? What happens financially if we have children and one of us steps back from work? What are we each putting towards retirement? What happens if one of us can’t work? And finally, what do we actually want our money to allow us to do over the next thirty or forty years? You don’t need to have perfect answers, but you should probably know whether you’re both answering the same questions.

The wedding deserves a plan. Enjoy the flowers, choose the band, argue over the seating plan and have the day you’ve dreamed about. But don’t spend two years planning one day and no time planning the decades that follow it. ‘For richer, for poorer’ isn’t really about promising that money will never matter. It’s about building a life together where you’re comfortable talking about it when it does.

Halpin Wealth and Mortgages offers free consultations. Visit www.hwm.ie or email info@hwm.ie to learn more.

Colours crisp as daylight, edges seamlessly rendered. The prints on show at the Blue House Gallery in August breathed out the colour mantras of 20th century modernism. Edges both hard and soft, prismatic primaries, diffused tertiaries, colour field teasing landscape, landscape teasing colour field. Through various media, including carborundum, screen print, aquatint and etching, the three printmakers in the exhibition both complemented and contrasted each other in a way that was pleasing and energising.

Shane O’Driscoll’s signature hard-edge shapes – printed typically on a light ground, were softened by Yoko Akino’s stylised aquatint-etchings, which render landscape with a beguiling simplicity and delicacy. O’Driscoll’s and Akino’s work stood in marked contrast to the soft, atmospheric carborundum prints of Elke Thonnes, and it is this contrast which gave the exhibition some charge.

Thonnes achieves a remarkable degree of subtlety in carborundum, both in tone and texture, leaving the viewer feeling the presence of a moment, where the image is at once a simulacra of nature and not–a paradox that sings of multiple things at once, not unlike the work of that master of the post-expressionist sublime, Michael McSwiney. Her work titled ‘Soft Days II’ is a case in point: where the grey-blue of the clouds spray and drift, and the earthy oranges deckle and intermingle through the ground of the ultramarine, the sensation of earth and sky is effortless, loose and vivid. One delights in the feeling of the work as print, as much as in the evocation of the sublime vista.

Where Thonnes brings to mind McSwiney (who in turn riffs off Anselm Kiefer), O’Driscoll echoes a lineage that goes back to Henri Matisse, Piet Mondrian, Elsworth Kelly and Yaacov Agam, to name a few. With his preference for a pared back simplicity, O’Driscoll has more in common with Elsworth Kelly than the others, particularly with works such as Kelly’s ‘Blue and Orange and Green’ from 1964-65. O’Driscoll’s print ‘The Magician’ has something of this quality. It is a refreshing moment in his oeuvre, partly due to the use of an experimental, non-uniform ink, which softens the hardness of the shapes, and partly because the circle motifs, which often dominate, are absent. The colours are also more subdued, giving the work a tender feeling; it would be interesting to see more developed in this line.

The work of Kyoto-born Yoko Akino hovers somewhere between O’Driscoll’s and Thonnes’. It is both hard and soft, both geometric and organic. The use of aquatint generates gentle shifts in tone, whilst the hard ground etching leaves a trace of parallel linear rhythms, which appear to be Akino’s forte. Such rhythms sometimes evoke Akino’s Japanese heritage, recalling woodblock style renderings, such as in the clouds of her work, ‘Between Acts.’ Any stylisation or geometry is softened here by being hand drawn. ‘Even if Nobody Hears’ is, perhaps, the most successful of this grouping: a cerulean skellig rises out of an ultramarine sea, the stylised waves ascending with it, like so many eagle heads crowding around the peaks. Delineated in gold ink, the waves accentuate Akino’s predominately blue palette, which again contrasts with the high key colours of O’Driscoll and the wider range of Thonnes.

Colour. Colour freed from its mimetic restraints sings, and in print it sings so sweetly. Crisp and hallowed it conjures birdsong, crystal in its purity. It is energising to think of lineages, to see visual echoes, to sense the spirit of many artists through one. The Blue House Gallery has, here, staged a sensitive exhibition, highlighting the work of some outstanding practitioners. The variety of media, the dance between mimesis and abstraction, and the shifting colour temperatures, all served to deliver something both intimate and resonant. One left the gallery feeling, to paraphrase Thonnes, ‘softer,’ quieter, more gentle.